How long for avoidant ex to come back reddit. How long did you 2 date? My ex and I were 2.

How long for avoidant ex to come back reddit. Then offering to go back (if she wants to too).

How long for avoidant ex to come back reddit. For context, when we first started dating (in our early 20’s) my ex would frequently break up with me for stupid things such as I didn’t fully tell him everyone that was going to be where I was (but I did). ” In the first 5 months of our relationship, this happened 3 times. It was an 8 month long relationship where things were as perfect as they could realistically get. Avoidant ex My ex mostly did not have any guardian figure growing up, he mostly took care of everything and his sister, so I understand why being secured in a relationship and having someone take good care and giving him love is a very foreign idea to him. I didn't mean them to come off accusatory or like I was telling him he wasn't good enough but I can see how it did in hindsight. Heal. Never reached out to them but talking/ranting with friends have helped. Best of luck. This is key for learning how to make an avoidant ex miss you. I tried to stop making them into the “bad guy” because of their dismissive avoidant attachment style and have come to terms that the lying/being played/selfish/one-sided relationship has nothing to do with me but has to do with the fact of their own (internal struggles/trauma from the past). You don’t need to be someone’s option, you need to be someone’s priority. They kept going hoping the spark would come back BUT this was all hidden/buried deep down. Then offering to go back (if she wants to too). They come back to you again and again after you finally cut them loose. I went back to my Xs. My AP and I had a conflict that was massive to me but to him was only a discussion (yeah right emotional dumping/ Then after a while, you resurface, maybe go back to an ex, or find someone new and repeat the cycle. I think she might come back, but I also think you're better off with someone different. And again about 2 months after the break up (she was visiting home) And again about 5 months after the break up. Though I am curious: When someone who has avoidant attachment takes a week of space (no contact, etc. You are hurting yourself. Never heard from him again it's been 7 months. Discover your purpose and passion in life. Hi. He cut his ex off for like 8 months before obviously unblocking her. Now she is fucking some new guy. Hopeful-Fly-7328. MembersOnline. Now he broke up with me 12 days ago after 8 months. A new love will replace the old one but if you truly love her let her go & if she chooses to come back, play a little hard to get so she values Then meeting and trying to reconcile and talk about what happened in our relationship and our breakup. Julesfsgg. Old post, but I'll give some perspective here. According to Thias Gibson FAs tend to 1) Repress 2) get curious 3)feel rejected 4) feel remorse/missing. Only it’s been incredibly hard because we live together and I have to see him most days although he’s doing his best to stay with family when he can. So if he does decide to end things, then yes, an avoidant will often regret breaking up. Longing phase: Characterized by feelings of safety, loneliness, and a moved-on state, this phase can initiate a dismissive avoidant's desire for reconciliation, influenced by their emotional journey from relief to Thank you. With an avoidant for 18 months, great times and BSM we are done. I would think the longer you're apart the easier it is to just move on/lose feelings. I was a little toxic and he didn’t like it. Getting back with an ex is not really a bad idea as long as there is a personal growth in both people. You’re doing so good. age 31 Whether he comes back or not wouldn't matter in the long run. Avoid dismissive avoidants - they are undateable imo. 6 months! Even if the world's most ideal partner would come back after such a long break, I'm sure I'd have lost all my feelings for them. 5 years, lived together, we were very close. Before I knew what an avoidant was I would describe the relationship as one sided, neglectful, emotionally unavailable, bad communication, lack of intimacy, user/slightly narcissistic, walking on egg shells to avoid conflict, just a really difficult relationship. Then evaluating if we should go back to being in a relationship and if it is healthy to do so. I ignore their calls for a long time and only after reactivating can I reach back out - but I often don’t and have to wait for them to reach back out yet again. It was not really coming back but maybe it fits. He ended it because he didn’t feel ready for something serious with me. Everything was going well, we became official for five months. 11. But his mind is rooted in fears that are out of your control. Example: you usually text each other a few times a day, ask and answer questions, etc. I'm laughing. don't ever think you can get them back with these qualities, they will drain us out emotionally. If you’re coming into this process thinking you’re going to win back your dismissive-avoidant ex in 30 days you’re in for a rude awakening. So even if she came back she has strong defenses to learn about attachment, now has fucked this new guy, will deactivate again without knowing why, even if we build this great relationship back up. Irritated. The first break up was after 6 months, he came back after 2. Asking for insight in an attempt to be more understanding and respectful of an Avoidant's need for space. Like a bad person. He probably still loves you. This was after being in contact for 4 months. . Then, suddenly, the exchange stops and they don't answer a question for a long time. DA) How Avoidants Leave Open The Option To Reconnect With Exes. And sometimes they just take that space without communicating. 😊 Being that I had more to offer in the relationship than he did because the only thing he really brought me was companionship with a heap of unnecessary stress, and preventable problems and toxicity I’d imagine he’d come crawling back. They risk losing it all they are so terrified. 5. 7. Here's the thing: avoidant-leaning people need "space" with some frequency, we all know that. All of a sudden he started shutting me out, was cold, wouldn’t help me with things, we fought, and one day he said he wanted to break up. And that’s his problem. Initially you give them another chance because hey2 years is enough for people to change. I still love her and never wanted to break up in the first place. I’m going to therapy once a month and researching and learning as much as I can about moving towards a more secure attachment style. There’s no way to tell unfortunately. Just for the sake of ourselves, be away from them…. Afraid of experiencing the same ’emotional desert’ they have endured all their childhood. First time it took like 10 days, then 3 days, then 6 weeks (but it wasnt full NC, more like low contact, full NC was like 3-5 days), then 2 weeks, 4 weeks, and now its been almost 4 months and i dont think hes coming back this time but last month he unblocked me everywhere, just to block me again so he just wanted a reaction. I AP, micro-cheated on her, FA. I don't know how often they come back, but I know they do. Let’s say they reached out to you after the breakup. Best thing for Secure & Anxious people to do is avoid the avoidants. At the beginning he was cold and distant, he said the door is still open but he wants time and to just be friends. He used an excuse and a home matter from our old apartment, which I still live in. And maybe you get back together and break up again and the cycle repeats. This is me, now fully healed from an extreme dismissive avoidant. This is his thing. I was so good for him but i pushed and pressured him too much ☹️. 4. They’ll probably be better off with other avoidants. That’s not it. If you decide you want this person you must remain steady and be there when they come back around. Let him be insecure and lonely. Judgmental. I respect their need regardless of the whats, whys, and hows. ), what happens in those 5 days? Depends. We were together 2 years when she deactivated and blindsided me over the course of three days. I have been where you are at. I promised I wouldn’t argue. They do. I don’t think she will come back, she is probably just stringing you along. Can confirm: 7 years with my ex, they detached emotionally 2 years prior to dumping me out of nowhere. 2. They’re not capable of real long life lasting relationships. I wish he could stay away this time. My avoidant ex of 3 years even told me when he broke up with me that he wanted to talk all of it out in person (he unexpectedly dumped me over the phone) once we'd both had some time to process. He reached out to me via email and said he wanted to get a few of his things And to talk. Could be weeks could be months. With avoidants, though, it’s different. Which I haven't really done in a long time. At the end of November she said she was 100% done and I went into NC. We have spoken about living together and she has told me things like she feels like she can talk to me about anything, I'm her favourite person in the whole world, she feels like she has known me her whole life, shes This sounds familiar to me. However, I saw in youtube comments, someone mentioned love and patience is not for DA. A month prior we had an argument that went on and off for about 3 weeks, but we were able to mutually come to solution to the issue. It doesn't even take 3 weeks for them to start pulling the same BS as before. If your ex has specifically or directly told you that they want you back, but they need time alone first, make sure that you don’t rush your ex at all. You don't. The way they love you terrified them to their core. That's a tough question actually. My ex wanted to end it immediately after the holiday (our first rough patch) and it took everything I had in me just to keep the relationship going for another 3 months with little effort on her part. My ex have already told me to move on and ending things and I actually have come to terms about it. I had exes come back for years, YEARS, still do. ago. 5 years with me, she lied about a lot of things, she hide things, she even seek for friend with benefit but i caught her r/ExNoContact. Anyway, long story short, few days later, I texted him in good manners like our breakup never happened, im actually just sendinf him pictures of his favorite food. My avoidant ex of 5 years and I broke up a while ago due to lack of communication, we reconnected after a little bit and I asked if he wanted to get back together, he said no so we went no contact for two months. (Beginning of the relationship was like a dream come true though so…. It's really mindblowing how someone can changed so much after a breakup but reading up the attachment theory makes me understand him more. Dont worry soon you will know all about attachment theory, spent endless hours listening to THais Gibson and come to a place where your cool that she doesnt come back. Everything so far has felt very natural, we've been talking every day for the last 4 months and have had hour long video calls. Let him go and move on. She gave me her reasons for breaking up, and a few were new to me. Two things, 1, if you’ve known this guy 20 years (implying he’s old enough to have learned ways not to affect others so much even if he hasn’t figured out he’s an avoidant, what he’s doing is very immature. true. I'm glad you focused on yourself though after the initial breakup! thatgirl4424. I wasn’t mean or angry, I just got up and got dressed and said I’m going for a walk, I’ll be back. 5 months of complete no contact. This Is How An Avoidant Ex Reacts To You After No Contact. My avoidant ex reached out to her affair partner due to the rush and emotional connection she felt with him, five months later. Unless an avoidant heals their trauma that makes them an avoidant they will never have a healthy relationship. truth is, they never know what they want, but they miss you so they’re gonna make it your problem even when they’re the one that left. I have deactivated for years - but that was mainly because of guilt that I had waited so long to reach back out. ) Idk, I guess reach out and say what you need to say from your end but don't expect a response. Happy to help! My avoidant ex is still on my mind after 2. Best. I know how it is. its your anxious tendencies that are just eating you alive. One person said the dismissive avoidant love bombs and when withdraws. I have learned that no matter how many times they come back there will be one final time when it’s over and once they make that choice When do these types typically come back around if they do? I’ve heard anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months. I felt him become really scared and he sat up really fast. They b fall in love and them become terrified. Don’t contact her after the two weeks. He was going to keep me hanging for as long as I let him. She replied in an annoyed voice that she wouldn't come back looking for me anymore and that we should just leave it there. Usual ups/downs, but I put that down mostly to the fact it was a week on/week off thing, as she has a child. They kept going cause of “society expectations”. I have. It depends on the breakup- if I'm the one breaking up with someone then I process it during the 3-12 months before the break up. My ex (22 M) broke up with me (21F) 2 months ago. If I'm broken up with then I'm a mess. I’ve been perusing this sub for any advice as to whether or not I should and the most common point I see made is that those who were fundamentally This can help navigate the complexities of reconnection with a dismissive avoidant partner. My recent ex, has came back once and we’ve had contact twice. DA usually comes back. But man, I'm sorry to hear this. But if you’re waiting on this person and have joined a convent, avoiding life goals, etc maybe it’s time to get out in the world. FA here. the first broke up is because she still can’t get over her ex for almost 2. I try to distract myself in order to try and retain some sanity but I'm usually crying for the first week or two. i have been with her for almost 3 years. How Long Does It Take An Avoidant To Come Back? (FA vs. The cycle can last anywhere from about 6 weeks to 2 months depending on leaning Anxious or Dismissive. Ew, yucky behaviour on his part. Repeat after me, do not ever, ever go back to your ex. ADMIN MOD. For about 2 years I was in a long distance relationship with a very loving Fearful Avoidant man, that ended about 7 months ago. loopnlil. It’s like dating a heroine addict. Don’t rush your avoidant ex. My avoidant bf of 4 years just split last Monday. I asked him a question about something and I didn’t really like the answer he gave me. It sucks. I was curious if there’s anyway to get him back, or if it’s a “I need to be home for a long period of time” type situation. One thing i learned is that if you gave them everything and they left without regards, they’re always gonna come back because you’ve been filling a void in them that they didn’t know existed. He told me he’s tried to distract himself and forget about me but nothing is working and that he wants to be with me. However the return takes time longer than what AP wants. I watched someone do this anxious-avoidant dance for close to 10 years and let me tell you It is not worth it. Add a Comment. We never had an open discussion about what they were going through. Instead, work on yourself. Until one day, he realized that he loves me for sure and asked me to take our relationship to the next level. I had a terrible day and in a moment of weakness kind of took it out on him. r/ExNoContact. Closed. still, there were red flags (I look back, and my confidence took a hit as all of a sudden it felt like my 'desire' to spend more than a few hours together every other week, and occasional overnight, was me being 'Needy' - something I Avoidant people are too difficult to change, and that’s no longer our responsibility anymore to guide them. I believe my ex has a severe avoidant attachment style. Broke up with him for it and he came back so I i have a fearful avoidant girlfriend. 73. How to interact with an avoidant ex My ex (21m) broke up with me (25f) out of no where, we were bickering and I guess it stressed him out and he left (we were together for 7 months). 5 years, but those situations were all completely different. She reached out with an indirect-direct approach 3. The no-contact is best and you can allow yourself some self-care to get through the loss and grieve so you can start to work towards your next chapter. Improve your self esteem, work on your confidence and get out there and find someone who is actually compatible with you. Been in love with her for years Feb 1, 2021 · Nope, getting an ex back is a long extensive process and it’s even more prolonged if your ex has a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. We’ve been in a situationship for almost a year. How long did you 2 date? My ex and I were 2. We did not fight or argue. I am so hurt and confused, but I want her back so bad. Avoidant ex came back. For anyone considering(but not seeking), currently in, or who used to be, this is the community for you! We are here for support, advice, and community who can relate to your experiences. Hi, I have a tendency for avoidant attachment, but I try not to use it as a reason to be a complete asshat. Go to ExNoContact. I got back in 15 minutes and he was gone. Personally I would get out now. You always take a week or longer to respond and your messages are superficial but they are still quite long, and this goes on for a few months. My ex of course jumped to a relationship after two weeks post break up and now he gets to be long distance with his new gf after dumping me after long distance. Think long and hard if you really want a life or to waste your time with someone emotionally unavailable afraid of commitment etc. No one really knows why he left and what made him come back so I'm curious about long-term breakupsI've broken up with someone but I came back after about 3 months. We broke up last week on the 2nd dec after few days I went on radio silence for three days during those three days my da noticed I didn't come online so he blocked me and I wanted to block him back I was super annoyed with him but I just controlled myself anyways I went on radio silence for two more days today I noticed he unblocked me. I was frustrated always having to ask him for comfort and just pushed a bunch of questions on him. Define come back? We slept together 3 days after the break up. My ex was a fearful avoidant and she shattered me like no other person did in my 30+ years in this earth. 7 Signs A Fearful Avoidant Ex’s Feelings Are Coming Back. In the past though sometimes I would avoid people out of shame that I hadn't contacted them, which could last for an entire year. The worst part is that some avoidants may never differentiate their own emotions. I will never take them back. Reaching out to fearful avoidant ex It’s been about 5 months since my ex (20F) and I (21M) broke up and I’ve been wondering about reaching back out after being N/C for the better part of it. r/LongDistance is a subreddit for and about long distance relationships. That was news to me. It’s been 2 months since he (26M) broke up with me (23F). Still hopes he comes back 😓. Ex No Contact is a breakup support group focused on self-reliance and general healing. So, they are more at a loss when you stop chasing them. That’s okay, pat yourself on the back for taking a second shot at this. She came back 4 mo later and guess what she was still avoidant af. The first 6 months of the relationship was incredible, but after awhile we started having issues related to his avoidant tendencies. I've done the 'run and feel guilty afterwards' thing 6 times in the past 2. 5 months no contact. it’s selfish and can be super emotionally tolling This is the 4th time he has done this, only to come back a few weeks later opening up about how he didn’t mean it and he just felt “trapped. But this time you've learned to put down boundaries. And that hurt will carry on with you for a long time. Let her come to you if you truly want an avoidant to come back. this sub is for advice about specific dating situations not general debates. Factors influencing reconnection. Literally my situation. 1 comment. They also value lots of alone time and space. 7 months is a long time to hope if it is delaying your life. My first love, didn’t come back at all, she actually got married. Western-Kale3063 • 1 min. Be the best you. 12. Your ex probably didn't process her emotions since she straight up jumped into a rebound relationship. Move on before you get hurt. 5 weeks of NC. I basically asked if it was ok for me to reach out after a period of no contact (6-8 weeks) and she said yes, however she Celebrity. Listen up: how to heal from a dismissive avoidant. I’d 100% rather be with someone who’s anxious and actually shows that they give af about me than someone who you have to constantly remind “hey I’m here please acknowledge me. Our breakup was not messy at all. I but the last few times I spoke to him. I suspect you self-sabotage a lot in order to protect the more vulnerable side of you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you have never been in a healthy, long-term relationship; maybe you’ve learned to live without. When me & my ex first got together, we had a conversation about how important we both thought sex was in a relationship. If she ever reaches out I would go back in a heartbeat. Apr 4, 2024 · Try new things. I was also usually the dumper. We were together for 9 years. The end. True, it's easier to go through breakups and to forget, but I still try to be as kind as I can, without being too confusing. . They will. I wish I could tell you they will come back but they rarely do and if they do it isnt for long. I really am working on it. So those who had a long breakup what made you come back after 6+ months? The more details the I come back occasionally and would also make an effort to come visit while I was away if he actually expressed he wanted that. A month after the break up she moved 200 miles away. My avoidant ex came back 3 times. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I think it's rare that they come back Posted by u/ProfessionalEast2583 - 1 vote and no comments Posted by u/Ecstatic_Ad9415 - 1 vote and no comments No, he is not coming back. Attract Back An Avoidant Ex: 5 – Avoidant Wants to Text But Not Meet Jun 21, 2023 · Because of that, an avoidant is typically depressed, has low self-esteem, and is generally dissatisfied in life. lessons learned from awful experience :/. yes, he came back after a month of no contact, we got back together, and after 6months he left again. They showed you once they do not love you or respect you. I hadn’t fully picked up on it first round but after another 6 mo. [deleted] •. Someone came back into my life 14 years after we last saw each other. I thanked her for the good times and she blocked me absolutely everywhere. Haunting-East8565. You lived without them before, you can do it again. Never changed. Usually 2-3 months. It does eventually get better even though they remain in our memories. If you’re still living life and dating, you can hope all you want. This was your only long term relationship, one that really changed you. He had opened up about one of his past long term relationships in which him and his ex stopped having sex after a while, only once every 2 months and usually only when they were drunk. Reply. sjs_12. I was under the impression that she hated her job and the city we moved to, however for the first time she indicated she liked both. Our members listen, support, and encourage each other on their path to independence. 5 weeks later to my genuine surprise. He doesn’t want to leave or break up with his significant other, but he feels a strong impulse to do so. Yo sorry bro but no one can tell you if your ex will come back. But being in a relationship means that both partners put in an equal amount of effort to make it work. and this is before life gets tough no kids, struggle etc Sounds like my ex of 3 1/2 years and BU of 1 yr and 5 months still hasn’t came back , but did her news of her being in the ER reached out to make sure we was okay mom just responded yes so I guess it’s that for that which is good , still a thought from time to time but very distant The next day I told her it was confusing and asked how long I was supposed to wait. My avoidant ex broke up with me periodically only to come back within the week, we were stuck in a modified version of the anxious-avoidant cycle for years, 3 of our 4 spent together. Learn. I hope you are happy It takes a lot to push me to the point where I just bail. Dec 23, 2021 · My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me abruptly 2 weeks ago. Except now I’ve cut him off. •. Would do anything to calm her fears and give her reassurance but she’s currently so angry and avoidant that we haven’t seen or talked to each other in 4 months. After the last time I went NC for three months until we met up to exchange our stuff. ) I don't think I really come back. I happened to learn about attachment styles 5~6 months into our relationship and I remember thinking, damn I am so lucky he is a secure because I'm pretty sure I am anxious. My ex reached out after 3. Insane. Nov 17, 2022 · Afraid of trying to love, Afraid of getting close. 49 votes, 34 comments. Personal experience. • 1 yr. posts about relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if you are married post to r/marriage Mine did come back after 6 1/2 months and three months of no contact. My therapist thinks that I need to tell my ex in person all that is hurting me and on my mind because I am struggling and can’t get passed certain things she said I should start with a letter that I won’t send but it didn’t help so now she wants me to speak to him in person so I can have peace within myself…my concern is that this will just push him away even more and I know what you Guy #1 was a dismissive avoidant man-child. It honestly depends on the person. If you ever read this, congratulations you broke me. Let her runaway one day she will regret it. we broke up in february 2021 and get back together in november 2023. Miserable-Coffee-248. He cut me off for 2 months once and came back. ”. In minimal to no contact with my ex for 4 months. And maybe after 6 weeks - 2 months when you genuinely want to reach out to say hi (instead of trying to apologize or explain), and don't really care about/overinterpret his response, feel free to do so. They are miserable, sad, and broken. 53 votes, 62 comments. DO NOT do it. Just have faith they won’t come back. On rare occossions the Dissmissive Avoidant might come back if there is no one else, if they want sex, or if they actually get therapy. Guy #2 sounds better but still immature and not ready to commit. ze vq xm gl hs zy hn ce mb vy